Jesus Directed Directness

What Did Jesus Do?

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault,
between you and him alone.
Matthew 18.15

In recent weeks I have spoken with several people who no longer attend church. Invariably their reasons had something to do with some very uncivil behavior which they witnessed in one or more congregations. Sadly, for a people who are supposed to be known by how much we love one another, what is often on display in churches is how much we dislike each other. An all too common, and pernicious tactic employed in this uncivil civil warfare in churches is what I would characterize as the “sneak attack.” A sneak attack is an indirect assault on someone with whom you have a problem. Rather than speak directly to the person about the matter, you choose to speak to someone, anyone, maybe even everyone else, rather than the individual who has in some way offended you. Every ear that listens, and every tongue that passes along, such indicting words fires another shot in this “uncivil war.” Typically, there will be all kinds of battles going on among folks, none of them “frontal assaults.” Such uncivil, let's be blunt, unchristian, ways of behaving towards one another has run off countless church goers, and has destroyed no few congregations. This is not at all to suggest that transgressions should be ignored. But in dealing with sin in the Body of Christ, the Church, Jesus directed directness.

Of course, when Jesus instructed His followers to go and tell a brother his fault, the Lord was not urging any of us to be angry, belligerent, hateful, or insulting in our demeanor. The truth spoken directly, yet humbly, in love, does not constitute an attack of any nature, but rather a peace overture before hostilities get out of hand. Even if rebuffed in our attempt to go and work things out with a brother, we do not abandon the direct approach, but we do seek “reinforcements.”

As the Lord instructs in Matthew 18.16, if the initial attempt is unsuccessful we are to return again, with one or two equally humble brothers or sisters, to again attempt to directly reconcile the matter. Including others in this way is not uncivil, and certainly not unchristian, but is in fact doing exactly what Christ has told us to do in order to preserve peace and order in the Body of Christ. Should such a second direct attempt fail to restore the brother, there is yet another step we must take.

I say this third step must be taken if the first two have been unsuccessful because failure to follow the Lord's instructions in this almost always develops into uncivil war. For if a matter has not been resolved, but remains, the strong likelihood is that sooner or later something will be said or done indirectly, and uncivil exchanges will erupt in the midst of the congregation. And, in reality, this third step, involving an entire congregation, is both for the sincerely sought restoration of a brother, and for the preservation of peace within the church. This third step, should the first two fail, is the best guarantee that uncivil words and actions will not consume members, even the entire congregation, in a bitter and destructive spiral of recrimination and “sneak attacks” that eventually become angry direct assaults on each other. There is a very good reason Jesus directed directness—He knew His Church would be at great risk whenever His followers chose the “sneak attack,” behind the back maneuvers, and the weapons of gossip and murmuring.

The next time someone starts to speak to you about another brother or sister with whom they have an issue, stop them and together turn to Matthew 18 and respectfully, and with prayer, direct them to be direct. That's what Jesus did.

S.D.G.

Jim
www.jimwilkenministries.org
Marion, NC
PS 37.4